The Rules

Rule 1
Don't fuck with Journey

Rule 2
You can't outrun a mummy

Rule 3
Never fuck a stagehand (union)

Rule 4
Everything tastes better with a little rosemary

Rule 5
Never trust a woman with hair shorter than your own

Rule 6
Do the opposite of what Earl says [TOP SECRET]

Rule 7
*Lost to the Ages*

Rule 8
Never, never shake a baby

Rule 9
Always obey the Laws of the Road
a. Always tip your hat to truckers
b. Truckers are always drunk

Rule 10
Shots are never a good idea

Rule 10.5 (Olde rule 11)
When conflict arises, speak of deviled eggs

Rule 11
If you listen to Jeff, you'll be a little drunker, but you'll make better decisions in the summer

Rule 12
When dealing with 'friends with benefits,' always strive for efficient sex

Rule 13
Never stick anything in your dick hole. Ever.

Rule 14
Alls I know is: it's good to get paid for not doing stuff

Rule 15
If you go to sleep without taking your pants off, you don't have to worry about putting them on the next day.

Rule 16
Don't talk about IHOP unless we're fucking going

Rule 17
Thou shalt not deny the 'peep' handshake

Rule 18
When retold, drunk/drug stories are uninteresting 95% of the time

Rule 19
If a toilet is broken, never volunteer to 'help'

Rule 19.5
You can always move home, but you can never go home again

Rule 20
Mint juleps are the drink of the summer

Rule 21
Remember MacBeth and shit, well- be safe

Rule 22
If you get bit by a monkey, rub a lime on it

Rule 23
Sittin's always better than standin', but nothin's as good as laying down

Rule 24
Everybody falls

Rule 25
Never mix business with pleasure

Rule 26
If your belly button's bigger than a silver dollar, I'm not gonna date ya

Rule 27
If you take a book or magazine into the bathroom, you can't bring it back out. That's its home now

Rule 28
There's nothing more enraging at work than having to do a job twice

Rule 29
Long-haired hippies are filthy (and probably smell)

Rule 30
Never go a creepin'

Rule 31
It's always better to do stuff than not